Do I Really?
by Luv Angel
Summary: Confussion.... uncertain emotions.... what is this feelings....?


Do I Really?  
  
-------------------  
  
Hanamichi spent the next few hours pacing back and forth in the basketball court. The weird thing is, he wasn't thinking about Haruko or even basketball. His mind was off wondering to some familiar fox eyed boy. Hanamichi did that a lot lately after what had happened the other night. Hana refused to think about Rukawa but his mind wouldn't let him. Every time he tried to think of other things beside the occurrence, one tiny peek at Rukawa was enough to make him daydream again.  
  
He suddenly had the urge to pound his head against something hard. He couldn't imagine how the brief conversation had gotten twisted and intimate all of a sudden. Rukawa wasn't supposed to kiss him! Now, Hanamichi is battling with his own feelings.  
  
Rukawa's lips had felt good against his and for some unexplained reason he kindda love it. The climate was unbelievably warm that night. Maybe it was an accident or some sort. That must be it! The Kitsune must be delirious therefore imagined him as his lover! Yeah, that must be it! Rukawa mistook him for his lover. Hanamichi was in denial.  
  
"Stupid Kitsune! He's everywhere these days. Can't he give me a break?" He closed his eyes and sighed audibly all the while dribbling his ball.  
  
Hanamichi pretended he hadn't noticed Rukawa's glare throughout their basketball practice. He tried to stay focus but failed miserably.  
  
"What are you doing Sakuragi Hanamichi!!" Akagi pounded on Hanamichi's head.  
  
"Itai!! Stop doing that you stupid gorilla!" Hanamichi growled, ready to beat Akagi.  
  
When suddenly "yahhh!! Itai!! Itai!!"  
  
"That'll teach you not to be rude!!" Ayako butted in before turning her back to Hanamichi.  
  
Sensing that Rukawa was still watching him out of the corner of his eyes, Hanamichi decided to drop the matter and resume playing basketball.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
After school ended, Hanamichi stood on the corner of the sidewalk and waited for his best friend, Yohei to come out. He turned at the sound of a familiar voice and gave the other boy a silly grin.  
  
"Yohei! What took you so long?" He feigned anger.  
  
"Yo! Hanamichi! Sorry to keep you waiting. I was just talking with someone."  
  
"Lets go then…" Hanamichi wasn't in the mood to evoke a verbal quarrel with Yohei. Well…not right now.  
  
"Oh, yeah! Almost forgot, Rukawa asked me to give this to you. He said you left it in the locker room." Yohei said handing Hanamichi a piece of white envelope. Hana just regarded it silently; his brows furrowed a little and then took the envelope from Yohei's grasp all the while looking at Yohei with confusion in his eyes..  
  
"What's this? The Tensai don't remember leaving anything behind." Hanamichi stated wryly while his hands eagerly opening the envelope. Yohei merely smirk from the word 'tensai' Hanamichi was using to address himself.  
  
"I dunno Hana, just keep it k! Anyway I gotta run, got some stuff to do. See ya' Hana kun." A rather suspicious looking grin plastered on Yohei's face and then he was gone.  
  
"Why…you!! I was waiting for you and you left me to walk by myself!? Baka!" Hanamichi clenched his teeth.  
  
Hanamichi suddenly stopped dead in his track after reading the letter in his hands.  
  
'What!! That stupid fox wants to meet me at the park…. TONIGHT?!'  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
"Cold?" Rukawa asked out of the blue.  
  
"Um…no." Hanamichi managed a quiet respond, which is unlike Hanamichi.  
  
A few seconds later, "Ru…Rukawa what are you doing?" Hanamichi asked a bit jittery.  
  
"You're cold…" Rukawa remarked dryly, lowering his jacket on Hanamichi's shoulders.  
  
"No I'm not!!" Hanamichi looked flustered.  
  
"How do you explain the shivering and…. this?" Rukawa gripped Hanamichi's hands and look into the boys eyes. True to what he said, Hanamichi's hands were slightly cold.  
  
"…" Hanamichi blushed furiously.  
  
Rukawa just eyed the boy suspiciously behind his impassive facade. Hanamichi seemed to be distracted somehow. Rukawa suddenly stopped walking and grasped Hanamichi's hand and swayed the other boy around until they were face to face with each other, nose almost touching.  
  
'Please don't forsake me Hanamichi'  
  
Rukawa's hands moved to cup the side of Hanamichi's face, " I love you Hana kun and I didn't regret kissing you either. Please…give me a chance." Rukawa waited patiently for Hanamichi to speak.  
  
Hearing nothing from the other boy, Rukawa's thumb rubbed across Hanamichi's left cheek and gripped his shoulders tight. Hanamichi was still lost in thoughts and his mouth was slight parted as if expecting to be kiss. Hana just stood there without moving a single tendon, staring at Rukawa for what seemed to be forever. He didn't know what happened coz' the next thing he knew their lips met for the second time. Hanamichi's eyes widen in consternation. His mind struggled to comprehend.  
  
'He's kissing me… oh,God!'  
  
'Shit! Get away Kitsune!'  
  
'No…It feels good'  
  
'Arghhhhh! I'm not into this!!'  
  
'You like it Hana!'  
  
'No I don't!!'  
  
'Yes you do!'  
  
'NOOOO!!'  
  
Hanamichi placed his hands on Rukawa's chest and pushed him roughly aside, breaking the kiss. Both were panting profusely. There was a hint of disappointment flickered across Rukawa's eyes but Hanamichi didn't notice it. He was too preoccupied with his own emotion that he missed it.  
  
Hanamichi run his fingers lightly across his lips, not believing what just happened. "Why…"  
  
"…"  
  
"Why me Kitsune? When did all of this started?" Hana's breathing was still pretty much uneven"  
  
"…"  
  
"Talk to me Rukawa!!" Hanamichi shouted desperately.  
  
After a few minutes of silent "I…I had loved you ever since I could remember Hana-kun" Rukawa said almost whispering simultaneously trying to stifle back his silent tears. Hanamichi just stood there listening to Rukawa's every word.  
  
Rukawa was unable to bring himself to face the other boy for he knew that if he does, there's no stopping the tears from falling anymore. Hanamichi was beyond shock from the sudden confession. He wasn't expecting something so emotional to come from Rukawa, his sworn enemy and the boy who barely talks. Hanamichi was at lost for words and he was gaping, his eyes constantly blinking while looking at the other boy's slightly quivering form.  
  
Then suddenly Hanamichi broke the uncomfortable silent between them, "Oh…I see"  
  
Hanamichi then took a few quick breaths and cast his view to the side, powerless to even control his own feelings. His eyes were forcefully shut, preventing himself from breaking down. He was mad at Rukawa, No, he was mad at himself for having these... peculiar feelings. Hanamichi clamped his fingers so hard that he nearly hurt himself. He was tore apart between the love he had for Haruko and the guilt that was eating him alive. He honestly hasn't the slightest bit idea on what he should do. Does he really love Haruko?  
  
"Um…Rukawa…" Hanamichi broke the silent.  
  
" …"  
  
"I've got to go" Hanamichi took a final glace at Rukawa and then he left, leaving Rukawa alone standing in the middle of the park just staring at Hanamichi's retreating form.  
  
Hanamichi ran as fast as he could, away from Rukawa, away from everyone. He was too overwhelmed with guilt and confusion. What he needs is a little time to thing. Time to straighten things up and to rethink all these matters again. The image of Rukawa gradually faded with every step he took.  
  
"God…can this be more worse? The Tensai don't know what to do!" Hanamichi grunted under his breath. He ran straight for home, took a quick bath and shut himself dead to the world.  
  
Hanamichi didn't sleep much during the night. He kept thinking about what Rukawa had said to him that evening. The words kept repeating itself like a mantra and it disturbed him to no end.  
  
'I had love you love ever since….'  
  
'I had love you ever since I could remember…'  
  
'…Ever since I could remember…'  
  
'I had love you…love you…Love You…'  
  
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Damn you kitsune!!!" Hanamichi sat bolt up right on his bed, dragging the already rumpled bed sheet with him. He wore a very frustrated facade on his already tired face. His eyes suddenly caught site of what seems to be a group shot of the Shohoku's basketball team on his desk. Yohei, Gori, Miyagi, Mitsui, Kogure sempai, Haruko chan, Ayako, raven, black hair, cold stare…Rukawa!  
  
'Kuso!!!' Hanamichi deliberately smashed his palm against his forehead, painfully running it down to flatten his nose, past his eyes and finally rested it on his chin as if in deep thought.  
  
Hanamichi make a sudden grab on his pillow with his free hand and throw it furiously at the framed picture. It fell to the ground with a loud thud and the glass shattered into pieces. Hanamichi clutched his head with both hands, squeezing it tightly. His tear duct was threatening to burst.  
  
"Why do I have these feelings towards that fox?! We're advesaries for kami sama!" Hana whispered under his breath.  
  
Hanamichi couldn't stand it much longer so he decided to go to Rukawa's house. He doesn't care if it was already midnight. He doesn't care if he'll disturbed that darn Kitsune's ritual anymore. Hanamichi quickly got out of bed at fumbled with his drawers to look for some casual attire he can wear. In a blink of an eye, Hanamichi was fully dressed in a long sleeve, white attire accompanied by his white pants.  
  
"I'm coming Rukawa!" Hanamichi said to himself inaudibly while facing the mirror.  
  
He left his room in a hurry but then quickly rush back in, snatching his black cap on top of the cupboard. He silently cursed under his breath. Just as he was reaching the park where he and the fox had been roaming that evening, he recalled something important. He doesn't know where Rukawa lives.  
  
'Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!' Hanamichi was busy blaming himself and was about to settle on a wooden bench nearby when suddenly he heard a groaned coming from underneath him. Hanamichi jumped.  
  
"Get of me D…" The words stopped so suddenly and Hanamichi was face to face with Rukawa, coated in a black, over sized cloak. No wander Hanamichi didn't realize he was there in the first place. They just stared at each other not uttering a single word. Hanamichi was biting is lower lips absent-mindedly, still looking at Rukawa with a slight hesitation in his eyes.  
  
"Kitsune!!!" Hanamichi shouted, incredulously.  
  
"Hana kun? What are you doing here?" Rukawa finally asked.  
  
"Just taking a walk, that's all. What about you? Why are you still here? It's freezing out here fox! You'll catch a cold if you don't go home soon!" Hanamichi said concerned.  
  
"Didn't know you care." Rukawa smirked. Hanamichi felt his cheek's burning.  
  
"Care to sit down?"  
  
"Um…yeah sure" Hanamichi scratched his head and carved a trivial smile on his lips.  
  
Both were acting like as if the other person was not there. They were looking at various places other than themselves.  
  
"Kaede…I. (take a deep breath) I've been thinking about what you've said and…and I think I want to give it a try." Hanamichi unexpectedly said.  
  
"…" Rukawa was so startled that he thought his jaw would drop.  
  
'He called me Kaede'  
  
"Hana? Are you sure?"  
  
"If you are…"  
  
Rukawa recovered from his shocked state. He bends down a little to place a kiss on the other boys' lips when Hanamichi abruptly stopped him.  
  
"Wait Kaede!! Um…shouldn't we go somewhere more…. private?" Hanamichi timidly suggested, looking at his feet instead of Rukawa.  
  
"Okay…how about my house?" Rukawa tilted Hanamichi's head to face him and brushed his lips against the other boy's flushed cheek. Rukawa just smiled secretly from the side of Hanamichi's face, blowing a rather stimulating air on Hanamichi's right ear.  
  
"Okay…"Hanamichi uttered softly.  
  
------------------------  
  
  
  
As soon as they entered the house, Rukawa quietly twisted the doorknob and locked it. He turned around soundlessly and timidly at the same time to face Hanamichi. Hana was back facing Rukawa. He looked a bit anxious.  
  
Rukawa merely stared at Hana's body, showering him with his lustful gaze, starting from his shoulder blades down to his v-shaped waist and finally settled his view on Hana's hip. Hana was still oblivious to Rukawa's stare; he kept averting his eyes all around the place like he was searching for something.  
  
Suddenly Hana felt a pair of strong arms encircling his waist from behind and a hard breathing against his bare neck. Then the unexpected happened. Rukawa bent down and softly kissed Hana's quivering neck. Hana flinched and went rigid in Rukawa's embrace. He never experienced such tenderness or loving from anyone before…well not physically. So, what he did was panic.  
  
'Oh, shit!! Oh, shit! What should I do! What should I do!'  
  
To be held by someone so close like this made him feel secured and loved. Yet, he was not used to such intimacy, moreover from another guy. He squirmed within Rukawa's gripped, trying to free himself. He could easily break free but he surely didn't want to hurt Rukawa with his punches.  
  
Hana tried to wiggle his way out but it was futile. The more he moved the more reaction he got from Rukawa, which was a turned on for the kitsune. Then Hana felt one hand snaking down to his groin. Rukawa did a good job in distracting Hanamichi with his gentle kisses on Hana's neck, earlobe and some occasional bite on his velvety skin. Hana couldn't help but to stifle a moan.  
  
'Ruka…oh' Somehow he could let it out. Hanamichi just bite his lips.  
  
Anyone could easily be lulled with the tenderness and loving that Hana received. (Angel: me? I'm yours Kaede!!! Just take me now…ahaha *Hana smack on the head*) Hana could sense where this sensuous little act was leading them. He gasped and instinctively stopped Rukawa's hand from going any further. Rukawa was still scooping behind Hanamichi's back.  
  
"No Kitsune…Not now! Please…(Hana: did I say what I think I said? Angel: um…yeah! *giggle* ) give me some time … I …I need to adjust" Hanamichi said calmly with a hint of sternness in his voice.  
  
"…" Rukawa was thinking. (Rukawa: What was I thinking? Angel: *scratch head* Dunno *shrugs* )  
  
"I…I'm afraid" That was odd, Hana wasn't at all afraid but he couldn't think of any sane things to say at the moment.  
  
"…" Still thinking of what to say. (Angel: You're unpredictable Kaede! )  
  
"I…I'm not used to all this Kitsune. Maybe we could start of with some talking or whatever. Find our similarities or liking?" Hana finally turned around to face Rukawa simultaneously breaking free from Rukawa's tight gripped. He continued to look at Rukawa expectantly with a smile on his cute face. (Angel: Aw…!! Awww!! Awww!)  
  
All Rukawa could do was stared at him with his usually pokerfaced expression but then little by little his eyebrows beginning to stir a bit. His fine features soften and there on his lips formed the most amazing thing ever…a smile. Only Hana could see it. His smile could lighten up a gloomy room. If only he'd do that often.  
  
"Wakata Hana kun. I understand how you feel….I 've been through the same thing before" Hanamichi's eyes widen, not in surprise but in merriment he couldn't explained in words.  
  
"Kaede…"  
  
Hanamichi slowly lowered his head on Rukawa's broad shoulders, enjoying the pleasure of being near him. Rukawa didn't move or say anything to stop this but Hana could feel that Rukawa's body beginning to tremble. His muscles are a bit tensed and he barely moved. Sensing this, Hanamichi delicately brush his hand lightly on Rukawa's chest, wishing to comfort him a little. Rukawa let out a heavy sigh. It seemed like his breathing increases rapidly within seconds.  
  
Then suddenly, Hanamichi could feel Rukawa's trembling hand, which is slightly clammy tenderly grasping his. Hana let Rukawa adjust to this intimate moment for a while coz' he doesn't want to rush things and refused to let this moment die. This is just unbelievable. The one boy Rukawa desired so much, craved for his presence every single minute is finally his to love. Hanamichi could sense Rukawa's heart beat jolting through his vain. The tension he held was no longer there. He gradually let out a slow and even breathing.  
  
As if in slow motion, Rukawa lowered his face to meet Hanamichi. Hana blushed a little and cast his view to one side but Rukawa's sharp eyes and handsome features never seemed to let him go. Even though, Hana was not looking, he could still feel Rukawa is staring at his him like a hungry fox waiting for the right moment to attack its prey. Suddenly…  
  
"Hello!? Anyone's home?" Luv Angel appeared out of nowhere.  
  
Both, Hanamichi and Rukawa abruptly stopped and look at the intruder. They just sat there immobile in their SD form. Huge sweats drop oh their heads. Rukawa recovered quickly, reach for his discarded basketball on the floor, and throw it right at Luv Angel's face.  
  
'Blopp'  
  
"Where were we?" Rukawa asked seductively, turning his head quickly to meet his lover. Hanamichi just smile and kiss Rukawa sweetly on the lips. Rukawa felt as though he'd just died and gone to heaven. Hanamichi's mouth was almost hot against his, insistent and yet tender. The passionate way Hanamichi kissed him made him weak to the core.  
  
"Kaede…"  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"I love you" Hanamichi whispered softly and was greeted with an unexpected gentle kiss. They remain wrapped in each other's arm for a while before the moment finally ended and they decided to just get comfortable with each other in front of the TV.  
  
~Owari~  
  
The wingless angel,  
aka Luv Angel  
  
http://members.tripod.com/~emerald_nova/yyhmain.html 


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